PLAN / MODERN MANNERS
from a happier frame of mind. “Try to be respectful of others’
beliefs, politics, likes and dislikes,” Dr Cowan adds. Your message’s tone can also be misinterpreted when not given in person. “Keep it light if you can, it’s all too easy to upset someone by raising a highly emotive issue without context.” RULE 3: Stay in the lane If a group chat is focused on one topic (neighbours discussing issues in the area, friends planning brunch) resist going off on a tangent. Nothing will annoy your chat-mates more than if you decide it’s a good time to start asking everyone to name their latest binge-watch. RULE 4: Timing is everything You might be struck with an idea at 11pm to create this year’s Christmas centrepiece from plywood and pompoms, but that doesn’t mean you need to announce this fact immediately on the family chat. Late-night pings (as well as early morning ones) should be reserved for emergencies only. RULE 5: Say goodbye Sometimes being part of a particular group may become too much, and it’s OK either to mute the chat for a while, or just leave it completely, Dr Cowan says. “Some people legitimately find the constant notifications incredibly intrusive, especially during their own personal time or during work hours.” But let people know rather than just disappear, he adds. “It’s perfectly fine to explain that you just can’t keep up with it all and you need a break.”
GROUP THERAPY Having a group chat with your nearest and dearest (or your dancing or golf mates) can be fun, if you follow some basic rules. Here is how to be a good chat-mate. Words CAMERON BAYLEY
I f you’re interrupted from reading this sentence by a ping letting you know a message has arrived in a group chat, then put the phone down. This is for you. Group messaging platforms including WhatsApp, Facebook’s Messenger and WeChat collectively have billions of global users. The format appeals because it’s less public than social media posts, says Dr David Cowan, from the University of Queensland’s School of Psychology. “Group chats often offer a more intimate, and friendly environment and perhaps a safer space to share information that is of a more personal nature.” But if you’re yet to venture into group chat territory, or perhaps are
already immersed (did we just hear another ping?), it pays to bear in mind the following. RULE 1: Don’t share everything The over-sharer has a special place in the group chat. They announce whatever’s on their mind, from a cupcake recipe to a deep-seated grievance. “Over-posting, and over- sharing can become quite toxic for the other group members,” says Dr Cowan. “If one or more of the group members engage in this behaviour it can take an emotional toll on the others.” Be warned. RULE 2: Look on the sunny side The internet can be terribly negative, so try to bring interactions
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DARE SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2023
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